Cocktails and Records

When I was forced to spend time with the Careers Advisor in high school we were taught about ‘transferable skills’. Mr Shaddock told us that things like ‘report writing’, ‘timekeeping’ and ‘having initiative’ were useful assets to have and that once we had gained experience demonstrating them in one job, we would be able to use this to get another one.

In these celebrity filled days of ours it seems that the best skill to have is ‘being famous’. Once you are famous in one domain, you can apply your fame to any other post requiring that that skill:

• John Sergeant is a news reporter, therefore he is qualified to host comedy panel programmes.
• Ann Widdecombe is an MP, therefore she is perfectly suited to presenting TV documentaries and providing ‘Dear Deirdre’ style problem page advice.
• Vinnie Jones can play football, therefore he can sustain an acting career despite not being able to act.
• Boy George, Paul Weller, Mica Paris etc. can all sing, therefore they have all managed to present rubbish radio shows on Radio 2.
• etc. etc.

I don’t know why, but this really, really annoys me. Probably because I am jealous – I have a number of random skills which I think could easily be applied to other jobs:

• My ability to look contemptuously at people (e.g. who who block entrances and exits on trains) is a fine skill for any job in an independent music shop.
• My general ineptitude at maths combined with my confidence with pointless management jargon should easily snare me a senior role at any top bank.
• And my talent for lying (‘you really look fabulous in that merangue wedding dress’) surely qualifies me for a career in politics.