Rejection
You mightn’t believe it, but I can be very sensitive about my music taste. Or more accurately, unjustified criticism of it (which as we all know, is pretty much all criticism).
For example some time ago (well, 1996 to be precise) I cautiously lent a new friend two of my favourite albums of all time, thinking that since he liked that style of music, he might share my enjoyment of these too.
But no, he returned them saying that they were quite possibly the worst records he’d heard in a very long time, that the respective singers couldn’t sing to save themselves, and how could I possibly listen to this godawful rubbish. I bit my lip; I tried to be brave and indignantly defend my taste but it was too late – I was over-sensitive, he had revealed his ears of cloth and our friendship wasn’t ever going to be quite the same.
That old feeling of musical rejection has emerged again over the past couple of weeks. This time a friend asked me to suggest some ‘nice, subtle but different’ background music for an event he was putting on, stuff that he might enjoy as well. I dutifully (read stupidly, gullibly, naively...) handed over a pile of handpicked CDs from a range of different musical genres, all of which I personally would be delighted to hear filling up the embarrassing silences at any occasion.
But no, back they all came. Everything from Michael Nyman, Davy Graham, Jackie Mittoo and Mr Scruff to the Cocteau Twins, Toumani Diabate, Candi Staton and a lot of jazz albums. Rejected. ‘They’re all a bit… inappropriate’ he explained, ‘couldn’t you have given me something more obvious, a bit less weird? I want to play something that people will actually like you know.’
I thought I had. I had resisted The Fugs, the KLF, Messiaen, Eric Dolphy and that Japanese psych compilation – all of which would have been truly different to hear as background music.
So once again, I’m feeling musically rejected. But this time I’m not letting the rejection get to me. No, I’m going to plant someone at the event to go up and complain that the music is too boring, and to request The Fugs and Eric Dolphy.
Tags: annoying people
April 6th, 2010 at 10:23 pm
Aah, the curse of the mix tape. It can be a thankless task – but can also be rewarding too. Did you profile your recipient? Did they want ‘made to measure’ or ‘off the peg?’ I’m sure you’ll get a lot of correspondence to this blog but, if they just wanted stuff people knew, they’d have been better off with ‘Now That’s What I Call Muzak Vol. Ad Infinitum.’ Or James Last.
April 7th, 2010 at 2:34 am
‘nice, subtle but different’
So you did just that. Thing is, when most people say different, what they mean is different by their standards, which is possibly very banal and mainstream by yours.
If all he wanted was Air or Roykksopp, he could have dug them up himself from his own collection. No?
p.s. What albums did you lend yr mate in 1996?
April 7th, 2010 at 8:08 am
I think all responsibility must start and end with him. Caveat emptor, and all that. Presumably he sought you out in the knowledge that you are a passionate and knowledgeable collector of eclectic and varied musical genres? And probably, even, sought you because of those qualities? Then he ought to take what comes while thanking you on his knees for what is always a labour of love (both of the person you are compiling for, and of the music you select.). Coming back to you with a mealy-mouthed whine amounting to ‘but haven’t you got any Morcheeba’ simply won’t do.
I’m in a no-nonsense mood, me.
April 7th, 2010 at 9:53 am
Being on the wrong end of musical snobbery from someone who knows their tunes is bad enough but bearable. When it’s from someone who doesn’t – it’s just hair-tearingly annoying
My ex-neighbour used to host a new year’s eve do, her husband (a fan of David Gray, Coldplay and Travis) was fiercely protective of the kitchen stereo and feeding in evening’s CDs. If anyone suggested something else or took albums along they were basically blanked or turned down
At it’s worst a couple of years back – we had Guns ‘N’ Roses and Muse screaming away the evening until midnight, while I had a rejected pocketful of funky comps
April 7th, 2010 at 10:14 am
Hello everyone,
I have to clarify that I didn’t go as far as doing a mix tape (thank God!), that might have been the next step had he actually liked anything. You’re right though – perhaps a selection of James Last, Air and Morcheeba might have been the answer. But yes, he knows my music taste and should have known what to expect. The no-nonsense approach is probably best.
One of things that particularly irked me was his ‘listener profiling’ (he wanted made to measure John) and the assumption that since the people listening were in mostly in their 40s and 50s they would therefore automatically have conservative taste!
Stereo-hogs are the worst Mondo (and I like Muse and Guns n Roses!). I find it hard to believe that someone would turn down a Mondo comp. too. Madness.
And Ill Man, I’m not telling you what those albums were as I’m still feeling sensitive about it. Needless to say, he was wrong and they are classics much loved by people like Keith Richards, Elvis Costello, Peter Buck, Teenage Fanclub and me!
April 7th, 2010 at 11:00 am
I gave up caring a long time ago if people didn’t like my music. Usually they don’t, but I do, so that’s all that matters.
April 7th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
Sounds like another person deserving of ISBW’s rabbit punch.
As a Bryan Adams t-shirt once said, “if the neighbours don’t like it, they can fuck right off”.
April 7th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Ah F-C, but if you selected the music for some special event and everyone complained, you would care surely?
SimonB – oh, the irony!!!!
April 7th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Nobody ever completely agrees with me about music. Ever! My taste is far too all-over-the-shop for there to be that kind of consensus, so I’m beyond being hurt these days.
People have sometimes asked how me and my wife can possibly get on due to musical differences, but the reality is she likes about 20% of what I listen to, which isn’t a terrible score on the whole. Very few people will enjoy ELO, The Fall, Gordon Lightfoot, Boards of Canada, Captain Beefheart, A-Ha and “Tarzan Boy” by Baltimora. Last FM seems to have proved this to me conclusively.
April 7th, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Oh I appreciate your music taste Dave – mostly! Mr C. also has very wide music taste, but a different wideness to me. And as if to prove that point he’s just complained about what I’m currently monopolising the stereo with…
April 7th, 2010 at 9:41 pm
I have teasingly musiclly rejected you here before. The telling thing is i know how you feel. In fact i experienced such severe musical rejection at school and from my Dad that over the years i’ve felt the need to get in first, attack before attacked as it were. I too feel right ticked off when people slag or be little my taste in music. The way i see it my musical taste is the best in the world and so should every one. Let’s face it if you think some one elses taste is cooler than your own , you are listening to the wrong stuff eh ?. I apologize for ribbing you in the past (i cant help it ;-) and i will tell you here and now that although you like a lot of stuff that i don’t i think you have a very individual taste in music that i totally respect that. No sheep are you. Next time give your mate the Fugs CD’s and let him howl !!!!!. As long as you like it fuck what others think !!!!. RESPECT !.
April 7th, 2010 at 11:11 pm
I echo Carl above. Have had the same thing too. Music is so personal, and to let someone borrow something you treasure so much is a real honour… and for them to throw it back with a cocky reply is deeply insulting and hurtful.
How boring a world would it be if we all liked exactly the same thing anyway? We should be pleased that we all have our own little quirks (and Carl like his old rubbish….. JOKE Carl, honest!!).
Here’s to you and your unique music collection, and a big raspberry to anyone rude enough to say otherwise!
P
April 8th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
The thing is that everyone round here – me included – is a bit over-invested in music. We all subscribe to a belief system in which music is the mirror of the soul. Whereas your friend probably sees it as a can of metaphorical air freshener. He’s saying to you ‘This air-freshener’s a bit strong’. You’re hearing ‘Your soul is ugly’!
He might well have been overestimating the punters’ musical conservatism though. I turned 50 last year and I’ve got music by six out of seven of your shortlist of artists – plus Toumani Diabate guesting on a Cleveland Watkiss album. (Is there a connection between age and a taste for blandly generic music? Who buys all the landfill indie? Mostly young ‘uns is my guess.)
If you’ve got the time, mix CDs probably are the way to go for this sort of thing. Then you can cherry-pick the most accessible tunes by marginal artists. People might bridle at 70 odd minutes of kora instrumentals but might quite enjoy one if it follows on from a song with a similar guitar motif. Sequencing is all.
What are the rules for meeting non-obsessives in the middle with mix CDs? Provide some reference points, like a lesser known tune by a well known artist, or a quirky cover of a familiar song, or a relatively obscure track that was sampled for a bigger hit. Don’t put two instrumentals together. Jazz is a hard sell: vocals go over easier than instrumentals, but instrumentals with a danceably funky or Latin feel can work. Challenging harmony is a no-no.
I recognise all music lovers as my bredren and sistren whether or not we like the same stuff. I can just recognise proper organic knobbly homegrown musical taste when I meet it.
Not sure where I stand on the morality of stereo-hogging. I’d be hogging like a good’un if I could see someone bearing down on me with an armful of Muse and Guns ‘n’ Roses!
I’d be interested to know what was in the rejected jazz pile…
April 8th, 2010 at 2:21 pm
Ironically I had the opposite problem someone ask me to put some tunes together for his wedding. I think he thought I’d do all the hipster stuff i listen to normally but seeing as the brief was to “get people dancing” fraid I went for mainstream floor fillers abba, girls aloud etc. He wasn’t best pleased and played indie disco classics to an empty dance floor for an hour sneeking my cd on later and before you could say “dancing queen” all the aunties and nieces where up dancing. I think weddings are the only exception in all of this though :)
April 8th, 2010 at 8:03 pm
Your dead Piley lol !!!!
April 8th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
Thanks Carl, but I’d like to reassure you that I’m not THAT musically sensitive. If I was I certainly wouldn’t be bunging it up here! I think its like Piley says, if something has particular resonance with you and you’re cockily informed that its crap it grates a little. Particularly if you’re young and immature like I was! So go ahead and feel free to continue slagging my songs off!!
Piley, I see where you’re coming from but I’m not sure if lending someone your favourite album is necessarily a real honour! Actually maybe it is when we’re talking about something that you love and you feel is close to your ’soul’ – as Spud suggests. There are definitely some records that I like so much that I wouldn’t bung them on at a party, it woud be like being naked in a way.
Long comment there Spud and clearly words from a long time mix tape compiler! For reasons I can’t go into here (fear!) this case wasn’t really suitable for your conventional mix tape situation. I’ve made a few in my time and they do generally go down well. The jazz albums that didn’t make it aren’t particularly taxing. I think there was a bit of Antonio Carlos Jobim, Chick Corea, Lionel Hampton, Donald Byrd and Andrew Hill (although I think I might have wimped out on that one). You’re a jazz fan too then?!
I am envious BLTP. I would love to DJ for a wedding !!!!! I have all the floor fillers and absolutely no shame in playing them. Although I think I draw the line at Agadoo. Did that make your mix?
April 8th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
And stay nice Carl!
April 8th, 2010 at 9:41 pm
PS – anyone who is passionate about their music is OK with me… not matter if it’s my thing or not. Nothing worse than people who don’t really care about it.
You don’t hear it so much these days, but in the 80’s and 90’s a reply to the question “what music are you into” was quite often “chart music”!!! what the hell kinda answer is that?? So as long as it make the top 40 it’s brilliant eh?? If it stuck at 41 and dropped (or dare I say, it didn’t even chart) it was rubbish I guess! A simple method for indentifying the very best in all things music!
P
April 8th, 2010 at 10:39 pm
Piley, ‘chart music’, yes! And that’s an odd concept in itself. I have chart compilations which include everything from AC/DC to Kenny Rogers to Witney Houston. So liking ‘chart music’ could mean you’d have very wide music taste – as long as its popular and also liked by everyone else!
April 10th, 2010 at 6:53 am
I once remember playing a Phillip Glass album when a friend came round (shut up, I like him). She listened to three tracks while we chatted and then said, “This is all exactly the same song.”
I gasped, then inhaled a large lungful of air, readying myself for an impressively opinionated bellow, when I realised she was of course absolutely right.
I still like him though, and have never invited that friend to my home since. So who’s the winner there then? Ha!
Seriously though, I have become much more mellow in my approach to music. It’s a very broad church and, as long as someone derives pleasure from it, jolly good luck to them. Apart from Country and Western and also Reggae, which I can’t stand and would happily destroy. Apart from that, carry on. ;o)
April 10th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
I like Philip Glass too Dan, so I wish you had given her a blast of opinion. It might be PERCEIVED to be all the one song, but as we both know it is very subtle and nuanced stuff which just happens to sound like the one song!
How can you not like C&W? Oh, I’ve got some treats for you coming up…