Ladies and gentlemen we are now floating in boredom
When we run events at work we always have a pile of evaluation forms available at the end should anyone like to a. sign up to the mailing list b. tell us how great we or, most commonly, c. complain.
How I wish I had an evaluation form on Saturday night – although, admittedly, it was partly my fault. We went to the wrong gig you see. We had tickets to see Matthew Shipp, jazz pianist extraordinaire (you can hear him here on an ancient Song of the Week). We’ve seen him before and he was very good, very good indeed. But it transpires that that was Matthew Shipp solo.
Unbeknown to us, Mr Shipp had a guest on Saturday night, J. Spaceman – a.k.a Jason Pierce of Spiritualized and Spaceman3 fame – and instead of the anticipated jazz piano gig we got an experimental jam for organ, guitar and effects pedals based on two chords, one tempo, no tune and 45 spirit sapping minutes.
If I was being kind, I would say that this was a ingenious combining of free jazz and minimalism to create a mesmerising and mind-bending piece of work. But I’m not. It was the tiresome result of what happens when a jazz musician wants to join Jesus & Mary Chain and a rock musician thinks that he is John Adams. It was the kind of boring, self-indulgent ramble where all attempts at musical sophistication are washed away under a sea of drone and audience yawns.
Thankfully two other musicians joined the pair for a second 45-minute piece and rescued us with some drums and additional chords. Audience appreciation of this sudden injection of colour was expressed by the almost instant cessation of texting and whispering. People even stopped checking their watches and turned their heads towards the stage.
Now, I know that I came expecting something different and a good music snob would accuse me of being a philistine, but god I was bored during that first half. I even had to resort to counting all the trendy Fleet Foxes style beards in the room (14).
So what’s the most boring gig you’ve ever been to and how long have you lasted?
February 16th, 2010 at 9:59 am
You STAYED for the whole thing? I’d have been out of there after three songs. Possibly crying.
The most boring gig I’ve been to in recent years must be Sebastien Tellier. He lurched on stage pissed as a fart, stood sucking on a bottle of wine for ten minutes burbling about being bisexual (OK, so you’re French! Get on with it!) then proceeded to wibble half-heartedly over a backing track until I realised I was going to become violent if I stayed, so I went home. Appalling.
Prior to that, Joe Strummer (in his Taco Bell period with the Mescaleros) had me running for the exit to avoid a boredom-induced coma after three songs. Here’s another song about tequila nights on the bayou…no I don’t think so, Joe. And what he did to ‘Pressure Drop’ on the night was a musical crime.
I don’t mind being ‘challenged’ by bands, but boredom is unforgivable.
February 16th, 2010 at 10:13 am
Yes, we stayed – we had to see just how long they could possibly run with this idea. And it did get better in the second half so it was kind of worth it.
I’ve only ever walked out of one gig. ‘The Cave’ by Steve Reich which is the worst and most disappointing thing he has ever done. Oh, and James Yorkston – but that was even before he came on so doesn’t count.
February 16th, 2010 at 10:13 am
I’m not sure I’ve ever walked out of a gig, though we did leave the Cirque Du Soleil at half-time, which is nothing to be ashamed of.
I hate circuses.
February 16th, 2010 at 10:25 am
Somehow that doesn’t surprise me F-C.
February 16th, 2010 at 1:49 pm
Derek Smalls, he wrote this…
Only really bad live experiences I’ve had have related to support bands being too far removed from the headliners to fit, Suede (before they were famous) opening for Kingmaker were dreadful and Snow Patrol (ditto) didn’t suit a Levellers audience at all.
February 16th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
We went to a double-bill of Edgar Winter and Alvin Lee. The arrangement was they swapped the top slot each night. Unfortunately when they came to Southend Alvin was heading the bill.
Edgar Winter was stunning with a band of lively young musos energising his funky jams. Alvin was appalling and played slow-grinding blues solo after slow-grinding blues solo. We bailed after only a handful of songs and seeing several audience members doze off (honestly)
February 16th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Snow Patrol and the Levellers, Simon B – the very thought makes me laugh out loud (it really did I promise you!). What were Suede pre-fame like? Were they always gaunt, glamorous and precocious?
Mondo, you’d think they would have realised at some point that, to hell with democracy, some things just work better at the top of the bill, wouldn’t you? Unless you happen to like endless blues soloing obviously. I think something similar happened with an early Stiff records tour where Rachel Sweet was meant to be alternating headline slots with Elvis Costello or someone like that. It didn’t work out.
February 16th, 2010 at 8:32 pm
I’m quite partial to a bit of J Spaceman, and I have a couple of mate who are obsessed with the man… so I can’t help read this with envy!!! But I can imagine the disapointment, Just reverse the scenario and I understand it completely!!
Biggest gig I ever walked out of was Nirvana… what turned out to be their last ever UK show too. It was sh!t!!!! Now everyone talks about that same gig as legendary, believe me, it wasn’t… these are people who never had to listen to it i’m sure.
February 16th, 2010 at 11:17 pm
I actually can’t think of a single gig I’ve walked out of halfway through – there again, I am known for having the patience of a particularly loyal labrador.
I very nearly walked out of a Chapterhouse gig once, which I still rank as one of the worst shows I’ve seen. They were hidden behind their hair for most of the performance, didn’t move much, and the PA was absolutely terrible, meaning the subtleties of their effects pedal driven noise were completely lost and everything was one huge, distorted mush. Nobody much liked them, and they even had the nerve to come back out for an encore after a not particularly spirited round of applause from the audience. I’d only heard “Pearl” at the time I saw them, and obviously it later turned out that they didn’t really have many other good songs anyway.
I also had to review Headswim and Powder (on separate occasions, obviously) who rank as among the dullest live bands I’ve ever been forced to watch. Headswim were like a local provincial grunge-u-like band who got lucky (essentially to grunge what corned beef is to a sunday roast joint), and Powder were incredibly dull and unimaginative but had the nerve to be very smug and pleased with themselves, as if they were the most exciting thing to happen in music that year. I’ve been unable to find Pearl Lowe anything but irritating ever since, although I’m sure she’s had a rather tough life. I don’t mind onstage arrogance if the band has something to back it up with – but when you’ve got a lead singer dancing and grinning in a self-satisfied way to an audience who don’t seem to care much whilst the guitarist ‘makes shapes’, it’s a trying spectacle. There again, I did split up with my girlfriend the night before I saw them, so I was in a very despondent and easily irritated mood.
February 17th, 2010 at 9:41 am
Ah Piley, perhaps you would have loved the show? Although the usual Spiritualized ware it was not, more Spaceman3-ish I suppose. If you’re a really keen fan though you can buy their ‘duet’ album (SpaceShipp, pictured above) – I think that it is two long tracks of drone, but it might well be very good if you’re prepared for it.
I can believe that Nirvana were rubbish. I have parted with very few records in my life, but one which I was more than happy to give away was my copy of In Utero.
Chapterhouse, 23 Daves! I quite like their first album (although admitedly, it’s not the sort of record I come home desparate to hear these days). I never had the pleasure of seeing them live. Perhaps this is a good thing though.
As for Powder, I suspect that your judgement was correct regardless of any personal circumstances (including Peal Lowes). They were absolutely rubbish. I wonder if she admits as much in her autobiography? Not that I’m in a hurry to read it and find out.
February 17th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
I don’t think she does. I sneaked a look at it in a bookstore once to see what she said, and I got the impression she honestly believes she’s talented and Powder would have been big were it not for various mitigating factors. Admittedly, I had to put the book down in disgust then so perhaps she added “Not really!!!” afterwards. As Ralph Filthy once said to Richey Rich in an episode of “Filthy Rich and Catflap”: “The main obstacle is you coming up against the wall of your astounding lack of talent”.
I used to know somebody who was a massive, massive fan of Powder, and used to get outraged when I slated them, so they did have some support. I just find it enormously difficult to understand how or why, and I’ve never been given a satisfactory explanation. They’re a classic example of the point in time where Britpop bands descended into a mire of huff and bluster over actual talent.
February 18th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
I’m not sure I should admit to even going but I did leave an Al Di Meola gig halfway though once as after an hour of 1000 notes a second, Youssou N’Dour came on and bored me with some (probably far more worthy) African nonsense. Later that same year I desperately wanted to leave a Bros gig but as I had promised to take and look after a friend’s daughter and her mate I had to stay until the end :(
February 18th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
we walked out a “les savy fav ” gig at the astoria because they are rotten . At festivas i’ve wander off from tonnes of bands, elivs costello, chemical twins, sugarbabes. dogstar feat. Keanu reeves! the list is endless but that’s one of the joy of festivals :)
February 18th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
Hello Wil. You’ve got nothing if not broad tastes in gig-boredom there – from Al Di Meola to Bros! I have a soft spot for the tinny late-80s sound that is Bros, but even I would be sorely tested by more than say, 2 songs. Actually did they even have that many songs to make up a show…?
I’ve never even heard of Les Savy Fav – are they some kind of trendy indie group?! Sounds like I shouldn’t be looking out for them anyway. And Festivals don’t count, BLTP. As you say that’s the joy of them!
March 13th, 2010 at 12:32 am
I think my most boring gig was by one of my hero’s , Robert Plant. I LOVE Led Zeppelin but this was tedious. It was when his second solo album came out. The house lights went down and my self and my three mates stood up and whooped as you did at hard rock gigs when you are 18 or so. We were the only three people in the whole of Hammersmith Odeon that stood. We sat down again pretty quick. A bad omen , it was an old fogey , non Zep crowd who liked Plant’s new “soft rock”. The guy next to me muttered to his girl friend “i don’t know what they were expecting” , to witch i sneered in his face ” a rock concert perhaps” , he looked uncomfortable like , i better shut up uncomfortable. It was just boring middle of the road pants. Only made bareable by Jimmy Page coming on for the encore and playng some GASP Rock N Roll. Even then 70% of the codgers stayed bums on seats , pants.
March 13th, 2010 at 12:34 am
P.S. I love Spiritualized too.
March 13th, 2010 at 10:35 am
You have been busy last night Carl!!!
I have a fear of solo albums from member of bands I love for precisely this reason. Why did this happen? Surely Robert didn’t have a whole heap of MOR inside of him all those years dying to get out – or maybe he did. Just like Jason Pierce has a whole load of wanky, self-indulgence to relieve himself of….