The Festival Boutique
I am not a huge fan of festivals. Standing in a field of mud, getting wet, getting sunburnt, queuing for hours for a drink, queuing for hours for the loo, your favourite band playing a remarkably average set somewhere in the middle distance, getting bored and leaving before the headlining act comes on… no, music festivals were never my cup of tea to begin with.
But what really stops me from going to festivals is other people. As a time-honoured music snob, I’ve been long convinced that most people who go to festivals do not actually like music. Festivals are just another item on the social calendar, another ‘experience’ that needs to be ticked off by the cool and the trendy. Why else would someone pay ££££ to see a load of great bands, then just proceed to talk/pass-out/take endless photos of themselves and their designer wellies through the gig? Basically, the kind of people who go to festivals are the kind of people I would prefer to avoid.*
So you’ll understand how delighted I was to see a new shop open in Spitalfields recently which is entirely dedicated to making the festival experience even easier for this kind of person. It is called the Marsh-mallow Festival Boutique.
This clearly much-needed addition to the cultural life of East London not only sells tickets to festivals, but all the festival accessories you could ever need – designer wellies and waterbottles, cool sleeping bags (as seen on The Apprentice apparently), ’stylish’ hats, ‘in’ umbrellas, eco-friendly plastic macs and limited edition Raybans – everything the cool, trendy person could possibly need to make their summer festival experience one to remember.
Except liking music perhaps.
* with apologies to all the people reading this who um, like going to festivals – I’m sure you’re all very nice really and didn’t buy a £129 pair of wellies especially for the occasion.
Tags: annoying people, music = opinions
June 14th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Great post, and as a long, long long time festival go’er, I’m afraid I have to say….. you are dead, DEAD… RIGHT!!
When i started going to festivals in the 80s, there were only 2 a year! Reading (which was still Reading Rock festival) and Glasto. People who went to festivals were usually labeled ‘weird’… I used to get snooty looks from people at work and all sorts. But I was (and still is) a massive music fan, and it was a labour of love… traipsing round muddy fields getting to see as many bands as possible.
The other big thing about these two festivals, is that they never, EVER sold out! Tickets for Glasto used to go on sale about Feb, but if you were skint, you’d buy em in March, or April, or May… or just turn up and buy one on the day!!! Things really were that simple! It was for weirdos\music obsessed people only, so there was a limited number of tickets you could shift.
Then, in the early 2000’s it got all trendy. Don’t ask me why, but if I had to guess, i’d say it was these big bands of the time (Radiohead, Oasis etc) doing these open air concerts, where to justify the money, they’d stick a few bands on beforehand, and it became a bit like a 1 day festival. Non-music fans got sucked into these, and I think this was the start of it…
Now I hate the average clientele at a festival. Like you say, it’s all about being seen. The ‘Green field’ at Glasto used to be such a great alternative place to hang out and chill… now it’s full of city w@nkers all ringing the office on their mobiles… cheers for that.
Sorry, I seem to have banged on a bit on this… hit a nerve!
Piley
June 15th, 2009 at 4:18 am
I’m not a big festival person myself. You are spot on with your feelings. The city next to us had their summer festival this weekend. I avoided it like the plague.
June 15th, 2009 at 10:20 am
I’m a complete music nutter, gig-goer and was a hardcore camper for years – but have never been tempted with combining the two..
The thought of stoners crashing through my tent at God-knows-what-hour, oddbods on silver stilts doing space dancing – all soundtracked by Muse screaming out from the stage until dawn – has absolutley no appeal for me
June 15th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
I became interested in this post because of Piley’s comment on his blog so thought i’d check it out. I’m in total agreement here. I was a dedicated festival goer for years. Donnington, Reading, Phoenix etc etc. As i got older i got fed up with the grief and the people and since 95 i’ve not been to one. Festival’s used to be about MUSIC and the people that went ot them loved MUSIC. The reason this has changed is that now there is not so much underground stuff. Indie music etc was underground at one time, you had to dig for it. Now your average disco wanker likes Cold Play, Artic Monkeys etc etc as well as his tuneless dance crap, it’s all become main stream and for me really boring. May be i’m a music snob too but most of these people that go to festivals now only know what they are spoon fed. They don’t know shit. I don’t want to mix with Mr disco soul boy wanker and never have :-).A lot of these people go to football too, to be seen, a day out etc etc. Two bad results they don’t go any more and move on the the next big thing. Tossers :-).
Good post, sorry to rant on.
Carl (Mr angry).
June 15th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
had a very similiar revelation attending an event a few years ago where i felt like
a. my grandmother tsking at the ‘yoof of today’
b. I was the only one there not interested in wearing stupid outfits to draw attention to my self and my ‘cru (the taking the piss 80’s bjorn gaggle and green alien fluro bots to name a few)
c. that very few seemed there at all to see some live music instead of lining up for drinks and getting totalled on alcho pops.
oh, and recently festival controversary here has been linked with certain music events becoming flag waving expressions of patriotism where people have been ‘forced’ to kiss flags and swear allegiance to our country!
June 15th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Did you make up that shop? Surely it doesn’t really exist? Or was Nathan Barley a documentary after all?? Please tell me it’s a clever hoax.
And as for festivals, you’re bang on the money. For many people who are too lazy, scared or essentially disinterested to go to gigs, a festival is a wonderful opportunity to condense a whole year’s viewing into one shrink-wrapped weekend. As though dancing round a disposable barbecue in a twenty-year old Wonder Stuff t-shirt, that’s now six sizes too small, somehow makes you a rider at the gates of dawn. Gah. GAH!!
June 15th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Well, looks like any concerns I had about offending readers with this post were wrong!
Piley, good rant. When I was a yoof in the late 80s/early 90s I dreamt of going to Glastonbury and Reading. I imagined that the place would be overflowing with people JUST LIKE ME. Three days in a field bonding with my fellow music lovers over Sisters of Mercy and Neds Atomic Dustbin – bring it on!!! But, tragically, now that I can actually go I just don’t want to.
PM, although I *whispers* quite like Muse, I laughed at your comment. Silver stilted space dancers indeed. There is yet another reason not to go to festivals.
Carl, hello and welcome. I think you might have put your finger on something here. The demise of the ‘proper’ music festival has to be somehow linked to the demise of ‘indie’. And the fact that people describe boring sounding bands signed to majors as indie these days is the subject of a whole other rant. If you’re looking for a music-loving festival then maybe you should look to heavy metal! I imagine that Bloodstock doesn’t get too many trendies attending… Saxon are playing this year you know.
Sheepish, patriotism at festivals! I have always been proud of Australia’s lack of flagwaving so I find this somewhat disturbing. And who the hell plays at festivals like this? Surely no credible band? I should mention Sheepish, that I think that the first and last good festival I’ve been to was BDO ‘93 with TISM, Teenage Fanclub, Bjork and The Ramones *wipes sentimental tears of nostalgia from eyes* Primus – whatever happened to them?
ISBW, I only wish I was making it up. In fact, I think you could approach the shop about selling those Anne Frank themed pillows. They would look lovely in a wizzy pop-up tent next to some designer sleeping bags.
June 15th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
It’s a good idea for a business. Only in Shoredirch.
June 15th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
That’s a “glamping” shop then. I’m afraid I got tired of running away from those sort of people and just go to festival and enjoy myself now. If you don’t want to go to festival don’t go if you do go. It’s hard to escape the w*nkers in most aspects of life I was in bird hide the other day and almost lamped someone.
I must admit although I love music the whole spectacle and carnival of a good festival is the thing for me, the licence to enjoy yourself even the toss*rs loose their edge by saturday night.
As for better in the old days not sure, wasn’t big on getting my stuff nicked by scallies and nowadays I don’t need to eek out 30 quid beer money over a weekend.
It is odd how festivals have become so big in the last 2 years even (I use to post a what to take to glasto list) but they print them in paper now!
As for the music well some of the best gigs i’ve ever scene have been at festivals (waterboys, neworder, cud, blue nile) and the worst (oasis, bobby gilespie and the boys, beck, julian cope).
No big point then, I wouldn’t dismiss them out of hand but if you really think there not for you so be it. But if you do pop along to lattitude we’ll save you and yours a spot next to our fire and you can have nip of malt and tell us all about this mad woman with a glitter ball piano you’ve just seen in the woods.
June 15th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Sorry, Keith I missed your short and pithy comment up above. Like Planet Mondo’s comment, it made me laugh – I always like a comparison to a plague!
Roman Empress, exactly. Only in Shoreditch. Or perhaps Brighton.
Ah, BLTP I was waiting for you!! I know you like a good festival and I’m truly impressed by your patience with and tolerance for your fellow festival goer. I just don’t have it in me.I was never going to like festivals – I don’t like large venues, camping, roughing it in any way and other people, other people in particular.
Having said all that, this looks good – http://www.indietracks.co.uk/ Teenage Fanclub, Camera Obscura AND free steam train rides! You might have to go on my behalf…
June 15th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
HAH! You’re so right. There’ll be a branch of ‘Marshmallow” down here before the summer’s out. I reckon it’ll sit well in between Jamie Oliver’s ‘Geezer Rip-Off Pasta Sauce’ Shop (eight quid for a tub of sauce? You’re MENTAL!), and the ‘Come Again’ Recycled Sex Toy boutique. GAH!!*
*only one of these actually exists at present, but give it time…
June 15th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Yes, give it time ISBW. Did you see Mary Queen of Charity Shops last week…?
June 16th, 2009 at 12:13 am
I saw Saxon twice in my youth, not sure i’d want to now though :-). On the other hand sure beats Coldplay zzzzzzzzzz.
Carl.
June 16th, 2009 at 10:30 am
What happened on ‘Mary’??
June 16th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Well, I was only half watching but I’m sure that I am not mistaken in thinking that some of the generous donations to the charity shops might have been more appropriate going to ‘Come Again’ the Recycled Sex Toy boutique.