Hell
The Times is providing much grist to my (newly spontaneous) mill this week. Why, just this morning I’ve learnt that hell is yet to be subject to sexual discrimination laws.
According to a new report from the Vatican, women and men will be treated differently in hell: men’s souls will be pelted with fire and brimstone, while women’s souls are more likely to be broken on a wheel. Since I’ve been informed by many kind people over the years that I am indeed going to hell, I can only look forward to finding out for myself whether this is true.
And men and women are also likely to sin in different ways:
Monsignor Wojciech Giertych, personal theologian to Pope Benedict XVI and the papal household, said there was “no sexual equality” when it came to sin. “Men and women sin in different ways,” he wrote in L’Osservatore Romano, the Vatican newspaper. Pride ranks only at No 5 for men, who are likely to have indulged in so much lust and gluttony that they are too slothful to feel angry, proud, envious or avaricious. Women are not averse to lust, but are primarily occupied with pride, envy and anger. Sloth does not set in until after gluttony and avarice.
So there you go. If you’re a man, I expect that you’ll be too exhausted from all that lusting and stuffing your face to respond with any defensive pride to this post. If you’re a female reader, well, I’ll hear from you when you’re over your jealousy and anger management issues…
Tags: religion
February 18th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Genius! Almost as funny as the time they abolished the ‘concept’ of purgatory.
Needless to say, I hope to save up enough tokens to get a go on both rides.
February 18th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
*off topic alert*
I’m sure I posted a comment in your last post – suggesting some other quality comps, is it me – did I imagine it?
February 18th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
lust and gluttony are bad! I must have turned over two pages at once again. I’m all for taking lesson in morality from former members of the Hitler Youth mind so I’ll give it a go and cut back.
February 19th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Has purgatory been abolished?! Well, I suppose it was never really an option for me anyway. I’ll just have to look forward to being broken on a wheel. But what does that mean exactly?
PM, Sorry, I’ve looked in my spam filter and can’t find anything there. I don’t know what’s happened and can only apologise. If you can bear it, please post them again.
BLTP, you are not alone. The cooking woman’s crumpet, Gregg Wallace, has also clearly failed to realise that lust and gluttony are sins.
February 19th, 2009 at 10:32 am
also sins are self selecting as they these are the ones we feel bad enough about to confess to and speeaking as a man we feel sorry about them I’m talking self pity here) as we have reprocussions from them ie expanding wastelines, divorces. I’m sure each gender comits the others ones just as much it’s just as blokes for example we see getting angry as a positive thing.
February 19th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
“That’s the problem with Catholicism. It’s all so vague, and nobody really knows what it all means”.
February 19th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
That’s the problem with all religions. In an attempt to understand the world (not to mention my work colleagues) I did quite a bit of reading around the theologies and beliefs of the major world religions.
I don’t know what I was expecting, but they didn’t have the answers. It’s all a matter of interpretation, argument and faith. The latter of which, I am unfortunately lacking.
In fact after my reading and watching the ‘Christianity: A History’ series on C4 I’ve come to the conclusion that I probably have more faith in God than in actual religion!
And where is that quote from Dave? Father Ted?!
February 19th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
sure jesus i imagine was top bloke it’s his followers (like anne turncoat widdecombe) who let him down.
February 19th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Yes, I’m hoping that there is a second coming and that the prophet gives all of Gods followers a seriously good talking to.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:46 am
I went to the Australian Shop in Maiden Lane yesterday, and bought four ‘Cherry Ripe’ bars. I’ve eaten two of them. Am I going down for gluttony, do you think? Just as long as I don’t end up shackled to Gregg Wallace…
And my Ecumenical Correspondent tells me that purgatory has not been decommissioned – that was ‘Limbo’, where unbaptised babies were sent (presumably because they were small enough to shimmy under the bar.). Purgatory still awaits the rest of us. Oh yes.
February 20th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
You’ve made my month ISBW! I am absolutely delighted to have introduced another person to the pleasures of the Cherry Ripe. May you have many more fruitful trips to the Australian shop (although I don’t believe that they sell possum or camel there sadly enough).
And thanks for the update on purgatory, although I think I’ll be skipping this midpoint and heading straight for hell somehow.