To Facebook or not to Facebook
Once upon a time my friends and I used to write letters and postcards to each other. My school friends and I wrote when we went away to university, and university friends and I wrote to each other after we graduated and moved off around the country and then the world.
I remember the glee of finding a letter in the mailbox, hidden amongst the bills and junk mail, and smiling as I instantly recognised the distinctive handwriting of particular friends. Sometimes it was a postcard, with just a couple of lines on the back, which I would stick on the fridge until it fell off and slipped away underneath. Sometimes it was a big fat juicy letter containing photos and clippings lovingly cut out of papers and magazines. These packages I would put aside, and make myself a cup of coffee before settling down in a comfy chair to pour over their contents.
Gradually, we began to write more emails and some people began to write generic group letters, more reminiscent of the annual Christmas letters churned out by particular members of the family… ‘This year was a wonderful year for us; I got an amazing job, Annie successfully made it through rehab and little Steven saved the world’…. Still, seeing people’s names pop up in my inbox made me smile and I eagerly clicked on their email. It still meant something.
Now in 2008 hardly any of us write either letters or emails anymore. I don’t know why, but I suspect there are two main culprits behind this:
- Other priorities: spouses, children, career crises, mortgage worries, general laziness etc. etc.
- Facebook and the fact that I’m not on it.
Long time readers might know my feelings on Facebook, and I’m still reluctant to open up my personal life to this shallow form of communication.
However, I am beginning to increasingly feel like my Grandmother in her antipathy towards computers and email: something’s changing in society; we don’t really care very much for it but at the same time we feel like we might be missing out on something. Grandma’s lucky though, most of her friends feel the same way as her. Mine don’t. Am I in danger of losing all regular contact with my friends if I don’t give in to Facebook?
July 21st, 2008 at 2:03 pm
I am on Facebook but I rarely look at it. No one sends me messages from there, apart from asking me to join whatever juvenile time-wasting group they’ve just started or to send me a virtual gift. It’s meaningless claptrap – unless you’re 15.
I’d far rather get a letter. Or failing that, an email.
If you get a handwritten letter these days, it’s usually bad news.
July 21st, 2008 at 4:34 pm
never took up with face book, seem to manage with a mix of emails, blogs, flickr photo comments, text messages (photo ones are popular with my brother) and talking to people. Face books just seemed a but false and tacky, although I did enjoy playing scrabble for a bit now all I get is rubbish quizzes for american films I’ve never .
July 21st, 2008 at 8:40 pm
F-C + BLTP, It would be ok if there were more people out there who were like you and ambivalent about Facebook, but I know people who spend their lives on there. And irritatingly, they are just not responding to my emails quite like they used to: ‘well, get on Facebook’ they say when I joke about their tardiness in replying.
I think it’s all a bit rubbish, but I’m open to convincing again. Anyone?!
July 21st, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Too many of my friends use it for arranging nights out. Mind you I’d like to think they would email separately if I weren’t on it, but I am, so I’ll never know. Although interestingly none of my teacher friends use it to stay in touch or arrange nights out. I like that we don’t use facebook and I like checking my yahoo to catch up with them, although they seem to be the only ones these days. I know what you mean about the letters thing. I used to get letters from my friend in Adelaide, now it doesn’t seem so exotic.
I like Facebook because of Scrabulous, I’ve always got at least 4 games on the go at once.
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:31 am
RE, I think that letters are still exotic. Particularly since I rarely get any these days. And they are difficult to write which adds to the kudos – it’s not just the time, it’s physically holding a pen and writing lots of words!
As for scrabulous, I don’t think I could cope with any more things distracting me from what I should be doing!
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:56 pm
I think you may be on minor generational fault line, for 25-35 years olds I think facebook is the norm and is just a version of email, pity it looks so rubbishy/messy. Was impressed by youngish woman on the train who spent 2 hours on her phone on face book (i wasn’t gawping she had her phone flat in front of me most of the time) quite what she found to say I’m not sure I think this failing in me not her.
July 22nd, 2008 at 1:31 pm
As something of a ‘Billy No Mates’, it’s easy for me to dismiss Facebook. I would suggest joining, but not letting it become the centre of your life. I’m on it, somewhere, but I don’t go near it unless someone contacts me.
It all depends on how many aquaintances you have that organise their lives through Facebook. They might never leave you alone…………..
July 22nd, 2008 at 1:58 pm
interesting point about the ‘generational fault line’, BLTP, although in this case I think its just my ‘difficult’ personality – I really like to be in control of communications i.e. I don’t neccessarily want my friends, family and work colleagues all to see the same things. I would like to have more meaningful exchanges beyond buying someone a virtual fish to put in their virtual acquarium.
I am actually already on Facebook for work purposes – under a pseudynom such is my paranoia! – so I am well aware of the extent for time wasting that Facebook encourages. But apart from the instant communication and the ease of organising your social life, the whole thing just irks me – from the updates I get from work colleagues telling me what stupid group they’ve just joined to people who are ‘Facebook’ friends with people who we both know that they hate!
But mind you maybe I am just being paranoid. Like you, Ill Man, I’d prefer to avoid people sometimes so maybe they’ll want to avoid me! I mean, I tell people about this blog and still none of them read it… Although, on second thoughts after this post, maybe that’s good…
July 22nd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
having a distictive name my face book is deliberately bland to avoid people at work stumbling on it and getting the wrong end of the stick all they would find at present is that I haven’t logged on in a while. I’ve seen alot talk about how in future wanting to protect this sort of privacy will be unknown but for the time being the women from finance who i’ve talked to once in the kitchen doesn’t need to know the details of my birthday party etc.
July 22nd, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Oh yes, I have a distinctive name too, but what’s the point of being on Facebook if no one can find you?
I really can’t believe that notions of privacy will change that much. I mean I can’t forsee a time when when I want my friends, my parents, my manager and the people I manage to see the same things about me. I’m not talking about presenting entirely different personalities to people, it’s a matter of formality I suppose. In the future then, will everyone be really nice and polite or will we all swear and shamelessly tell our Grandmothers how completely and utterly fucking wrecked we got last night?
July 22nd, 2008 at 4:42 pm
It’s already started, I did search for my name on flickr (as you do) which lead by accident to my nephews bebo page. I didn’t stay long as it was bit like wandering round his room when he’s out but there all sorts of nonsense on there which a few years ago my Uncle would never had access to about me and I wasn’t even trying hard to find things out. If you fall off a bench at wedding and it ends up of youtube and then face book your boss can watch while they have their lunch.
July 22nd, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Go on do it – people will only ever find out what you let them to know, or load up , there’s not really any intrusion as such. And you can always limit your profile and be discreet. I’m on it (actually there’s a few bloggers you’ll know on there) – but tend to be a casual user.
July 22nd, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Ooh, I’ll have to think about it but you’ve come up with some pretty good arguments. However, everything is a political decision for me, including whether I want to give my details to ‘the man’ (which was one of my original reasons for not being on there).
*goes and puts on hippy Melanie LP and wishes life was simpler*
July 23rd, 2008 at 8:47 am
I’d resist if I were you Cocktails, it’s all one big marketing ploy. It’s full of annoying status updates, which I’m increasingly finding irritating, folk telling you they’ve just sneezed and are now feeling really happy, people joining I’m a fan of whoever or whatever group, or inviting you to join some daft group or sending you some nonsense on your ‘fun wall’. What’s fun about a wall?
Sorry my earlier point wasn’t very clear. I do love letters too, I mean I don’t get letters from my friend anymore, she uses facebook instead, so that’s not as exotic!
July 23rd, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I know its a big marketing ploy – that’s what I use it for at work!
Anyway, Ms Empress, maybe by the I do actually join everyone else will have got sick of it for precisely that reason…
July 23rd, 2008 at 10:24 pm
I am on Facebook, but I mildly despise myself for it, and I would rather receive a letter any day than a virtual pint. That said, I did get back in touch with my old friend Keith via Facebook, and on balance that alone was worth all the associated nonsense.
Use it judiciously, and keep your privacy settings high, Grasshopper.